


Will it be worth it ?

by MikaTheWeirdGay



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Angst, Based On Bad Ending, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Fluff, M/M, Major P5R Spoilers, Multi, Persona 5 Protagonist Has A Palace, Slow Burn, Suicide, Time Travel Fix-It
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:14:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24129529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikaTheWeirdGay/pseuds/MikaTheWeirdGay
Summary: Akira accepts Maruki´s false but can´t come to terms with the changes his friends experience. Feeling selfish and lost, he decides to leave it all behind.Yet what happens to him after that was something he´d never have anticipated.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Niijima Makoto/Okumura Haru, Sakura Futaba/Yoshizawa Sumire, Suzui Shiho/Takamaki Ann
Comments: 2
Kudos: 66





	Will it be worth it ?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there, this is my first published work and English wasn´t my first language, so I apologise in advance for any grammtical or other errors. 
> 
> I got the idea for this, when I played through the bad end of Royal where you accept Maruki´s deal when talking to Akechi.

Akira lies in his bed, checking his phone for god knows what time. The screen displays 11:59pm, March 15th. Everyone just left, after their gathering in Leblanc, either to head home or go somewhere else. Morgana left, too, leaving Akira completely alone. 

No one seems to remember even a single bit of what transpired, except for Akira and, very likely, Maruki. 

All of his friends and the whole world is happy. So why isn´t Akira ? 

Ryuji and his track team win race after race, Sumire´s climbing the ranks among her competitors, Ann´s modelling career is going better than ever, she also gets to hang out with Shiho a lot more, even dating her now. Shiho´s team has made it nationals, Yusuke and Madarame create astounding works of art, Futaba is completely free of social anxiety and she, her mother and Sojiro enjoy life as a family. Haru and her father are on very good terms now and they put their heart and soul into every single bit of Okumura Foods. And... Akechi.

Akechi seems to have never experienced anything remotely bad in his life, like he finally got to live a normal life and having never committed any murders. But.. it has affected his personality much. What had been his prince detective persona is now what he really is like, or rather what he´d have been all along had he lived without his Metaverse powers, Shido and his terrible childhood.

Then why is Akira not happy ? He should at least feel something like that for his friends.

When thinking back, Akira only accepted Maruki´s reality, because he could not let Akechi go. He had hesitated for a few seconds before telling Akechi his answer. Of course said boy was angry, as Akira had broken their promise with that decision. 

_“If only I had not reacted so selfishly.”_ Akira thinks every time since February the 2nd.

True, the traumas they all had had to live through were not pleasant, to say the least. Yet it was what made them the people they were. What had brought them all so close together. In this world, they still share a very close bond, but Akira can´t make out what could have created said bond. 

Especially with Akechi. Akira fell in love with him, but with the real Akechi. The charming celebrity detective sure was charming and he has to admit he had developed a tiny crush, but his love had blossomed for the actual Goro Akechi. 

And the general thought of having to go on with all this knowledge, of what could´ve been, what he would have lost, how close they could´ve all become and... if there may actually have been a way to let Akechi go on living or at least to have told him what Akira feels for him. 

He can feels his throat tightening, an uncomfortable warmth spreading in his face and his eyes watering. Akira has never cried because of sadness before, sure when you hurt yourself as a kid, but because of an emotional state and just thinking ? Never.

Sometimes it´s good to be alone. Akira doesn´t hold the tears back, letting them run down his face, as his nose starts running. He puts his glasses aside, pulls his legs close and buries his head in them with his arms wrapped around himself tightly. 

All the emotions he feels are surprisingly few. Sadness, grief, regret and emptiness. 

In a world with nothing to worry about, where everyone is happy. So why isn´t Akira part of it ? Does he not deserve it ? If so, just why ?

-+-+-+-+-

It´s the 16th of March, Thursday, Akira has to go to school. Yet when he wakes up, he only stares at his ceiling. He feels like all energy got drained out of him. He couldn´t sleep properly, after he cried himself into it. There´s no point in doing anything in a perfect and flawless world, so why go to school ? But even if so, he probably shouldn´t worry his friends, it´d just disturb their joy. Everything like it is now for him had built up over time, slowly and unnoticeable, but now all of it hits him like a fucking truck.

After fifteen minutes of wrestling with his negativity he gets up and slowly changes into his school uniform. He puts on his glasses and heads down. Halfway on the stairs he hears Futaba, Wakaba, Sojiro and Morgana happily chatting away. His chest tightens at the thought of spending time with people. Regardless with whom it would be, just people in general. 

He settles on his usual chair, next to Futaba. 

“Good morning, Akira.” Wakaba greets him. He nods in response and focuses his look on the counter. “Woooow, you´re like a total zombie. Did you stay up all night ?” Futaba pokes his cheek, but re tracks her hand when Akira doesn´t respond. “Hmpf, rude.” 

Sojiro puts down a cup of coffee and a plate of curry in front of him. “Come now, eat something and you´ll feel better.” The man gives him a warm smile, as if understanding what lack of sleep can do to you. 

Akira picks up his spoon and tries eating a spoon. He chews for along time and attempts to swallow, but it doesn´t really seem to go through there without a hitch. So he puts it back down. “I´m not hungry.” He rests his head on his left hand. The rest of the people in the room share a concerned look. “Are you okay, Akira ?” Futaba asks. 

Sojiro bends down a little and puts a hand on Akira´s forehead. “Your eyes are glassy and your a bit too warm for my liking. Maybe you should stay home today.” Akira turns his head to the side, averting his face from the others. “Okay.” He lets out weakly. He proceeds to stand up and slowly walks up the stairs again. 

-+-+-+-+-

After Akira got send back to his room, he lay down on his bed, not bothering to change his clothes again, only taking off his jacket and shoes. It´s now been roughly three hours since and Akira´s still doing nothing, staring a various things in the attic. He just doesn´t want to exist right now, yet doesn´t want to die either. Everything inside him just seems so.. empty. 

He turns to lie on back and hears his phone buzz next to him. After the third or fourth time he picks it up. 

Group Chat : Haru Protection Squad

10:48am Ryuji : Yo guys, wanna do smth this weekend?

10:49am Haru : That would be lovely! Mako-chan and I have time for sure.

10:49am Futaba : Don´t worry. Everyone´s got time.

10:50am Makoto : May I ask as to why you´d know that ?

10:50am Futaba : I have my ways >:3

10:51am Yusuke : Madarame-sensei asked me to visit an exhibit with him, but I can go there another time.

10:51am Kasumi : My coach just told me I´d have no training this weekend.

10:51am Akechi : My schedule´s just as free.

10:52am Ann : Great! Then it´s settled.

10:52am Ryuji : What bout Akira tho?

10:53am Futaba : That´s no problem, he´s always free.

Akira stares at the messages. He could just say that he´s busy or that he´s actually sick.

10:55am Akechi : So, is it alright with you, Akira ?

He tightens his grip on his phone and his throat goes numb again. How dare this imposter use his name. It´s like he had lost Akechi, like the actual one, the boy he had so hopelessly fallen for, died. 

10:56am Akira : No.

10:56am Yusuke : That´s too bad. Maybe another time.

10:57am Futaba : U still not feeling better ?

10:57am Haru : Oh, is Akira-kun sick ?

10:57am Morgana : You could say that. He most certainly did not look good this morning.

Wait. Since when did Mona have a phone ? Well, this is a false reality after all, no point in getting into details.

10:58am Ryuji : Man, what a bummer.

10:58am Ann : Why don´t we all go pay Akira visit then ?

10:59am Makoto : Great idea!

10:59am Futaba : Yeah! Then we can spoil him ´til he passes out!

11:00am Kasumi : That sounds rather dangerous. But You´re right, we should all bring him something to help him feel better.

11:00am Akechi : See you later then.

11:01am Futaba : Laters!

Akira can´t believe it. Did they actually just agree to meet up at his place, without thinking about what he thinks about the idea ? He can still go to Kichijoji or somewhere else, but that would raise more suspicion. 

He puts his phone onto his shelf and tries to get some rest.

-+-+-+-+-

The group of teens gather in Leblanc, all putting down cake, biscuits or other sweets. Sojiro starts making coffee, Kasumi and Futaba sitting at the counter, Ryuji and Yusuke sitting in the booth opposite form Haru and Makoto. Akechi sits at his usual spot at the counter. Ann is in the booth behind Ryuji, leaning over the back of it. Morgana stands in the back.

“Yo Mona, go get Akira.” Futaba chirps. “No problem.” The blue-eyed boy walks up the stairs. He sees Akira in his bed, back turned to him, probably sleeping. Morgana approaches quietly. He tries to scare him awake by suddenly grabbing his arm and yelling : “Wake up, sleepyhead!” 

Akira groans and half-heartedly turns over to look at him. “What do you want ?” He asks groggily. “Still the zombie from this morning, eh ? Anyway, the other and I brought you a little something. Come on, get your ass up and come sit with us!” Mona starts pulling his left arm, Akira being like dead weight. After a few second of trying Morgana stops. “Please, Akira, don´t be such a party pooper.” Mona pouts at him. 

Akira shakes his head. It wouldn´t be wise to worry his friends more. “Okay, okay. I´ll be down in a second.” The other lets go of his arm. “Yay, but don´t take too long.” Morgana heads to the others, leaving Akira alone. 

Said boy puts on his shoes and jacket again, but doesn´t bother to button it up. He heads down after mentally preparing himself, putting a smile. 

At the bottom of the stairs, he immediately regrets it and dares himself not to book it out of there. 

“Ah, hello Akira-senpai! Are you feeling better ?”

Ann pipes up too : “There you are, had fun skipping school ?” 

“We all got you something, so you can get well quickly.” Makoto says, smiling. 

The whole situation is just so bizarre. But Akira can keep himself together, so he steps forward to find a place to sit. That´s when a certain someone enters his vision.

Akechi gives him a smile. The exact same smile he had shown on TV countless of time, the fake smile. Akira feels his stomach twisting and suddenly feels sick. He might very well puke if he doesn´t get out of there soon. 

Apparently he stands around and stars at Akechi too long, as Akechi speaks to him : “Akira-kun, are you okay ? You don´t look good.” 

That is his breaking point. He turns on his heel and bolts to the tiny bathroom. Just in time he manages to bend over the toilet and empties out what he had eaten yesterday. Even to Akira himself it sounds pretty violent, as there actually isn´t much left in his stomach, thus his body tries to get out something at least. Some time later Ann kneels beside him, rubbing his back. 

“Hey, if it´s that bad, should we leave ?” Concern fills her eyes. His eyes don´t focus on anything at all. Yet he still manages a weak nod. 

His friend helps him stand up and assists him a little out of the tiny bathroom. “Dude, you´re paler than Yusuke.”

Silence ensues. No one knows what to do or if they really should just leave. 

Sojiro decides to speak up : “Maybe you should let him rest for now, I´ll take care of him.” 

The teenagers glance at one another then slowly walk out of the store. Everyone says something along the lines of hoping Akira´ll get better soon. When the café is empty, only the gifts standing on the table, and Sojiro and Akira standing, the older walks over. 

“Hey, Akira. If something´s up you can talk to me if you want.” Akira looks him in he eyes, but doesn´t actually look at him, as if there´s wall directly in between them. “Can I... be alone ? I´m just tired, that´s all.” His voice is more hoarse than he anticipates. “Okay, Wakaba and I want to go around in the city, but if something´s up don´t hesitate to call.” Sojiro gives him a warm smile and walks out of his shop.

Akira is alone, again. He slumps down in the booth in the middle, staring at the table. A minute passes when the bell of the door chimes out of nowhere. Akira looks up, expecting to see Sojiro coming in to grab something he had forgotten, but no. 

Standing in front of the now closed door is none other than Takuto Maruki. “Good evening, Kurusu-kun.” He takes off his hat and coat, taking a seat opposite from Akira.

“It´s been a while, huh ? It seems you still remember.” Maruki attempts a conversation. Akira finally locks eyes with him. “My god, you look terrible. Are you sick ?” The teen huffs. “Funny. I might very well be.” Maruki´s expression changes to a concerned one. “What do mean by that ?”

Akira wishes to scream, to rip off his own ears. He doesn´t want to hear anyone´s voice right now, they all wouldn´t understand, because everyone else isn´t sick, like him.

“Because I´m not happy. Because I regret my choice.” Maruki´s facial expression resembles surprise. “And you think that makes you ill ? No, Kurusu-kun, it´s okay if you´re still not used to it all. And it´s also totally normal to regret things. That´s why we have choices, we can´t have everything. I´m sure you´ll find your happiness too.”

Even though Maruki´s voice is filled with empathy Akira can´t process his words fully. “But I should be happy for the others. I´m just being selfish.” The older shakes his head. “Please don´t think so lowly of yourself. It´s normal to have emotions like that-”

“But the others don´t! No one except me! If I had decided for humankind to live on in the awful and cruel reality, it´d be nothing but selfishness. Even my decision to live in this reality was out of selfishness, because I didn´t want Akechi to die. Why did I even have to decide all that ? I didn´t ask for this, I only want to back to when things were easy! I don´t want this life any more!” Akira can´t hold back his tears any longer and his voice gets rough in the last sentence. 

Maruki ponders what say for a bit. “Are you sure there´s nothing left here any longer that could make you happy ?” He doesn´t answer and just stares at the table. “Kurusu-kun, I...,” He hesitates, “I looked into your and Akechi´s dreams. And he felt-” 

“How would that matter now!? Akechi´s gone!” 

“But he´s alive.” Akira gives him a long stare. “The real Akechi is gone.”

“Oh, yeah.” They remain silent for a minute, then Maruki stands up. “Please try to find your happiness, okay ? Call me if you want to talk about anything you wish.”

He grabs his stuff and opens the door, but turns around one last time. “And please promise me not to throw your life away. It´s worth living, believe me.” He shoots Akira one last compassionate look and leaves.

-+-+-+-+-

It´s now Friday, the 7th of April, three weeks since Maruki visited him.

Akira tried living his life to its fullest. Walking around with a smile, faking joy among other emotions, while being a figuratively dead man walking, an empty shell. The past nights, where he had been alone, he can´t recall anything but crying or trying to, but feeling too drained to do so. Morgana´s staying at some else´s house tonight too.

The sadness in his heart has disappeared, replaced with nothingness. Everything inside him is just so empty. He looks at the clock on his phone screen, it displays the time 12:13am. 

Akira just wants this to end. He feels like every last piece of his strength to keep up his act has left his body. 

He goes over to his table, opening a drawer and taking out a letter and an envelope. He unfolds said letter and reads it one last time. 

To everyone reading this, 

as you read this, I will already be no more. I´m sorry I don´t have the strength to be happy with you. It´s all just too much for me. I can´t take it any longer. If you want to kind of know what exactly has driven me to have made this choice, ask a man called Takuto Maruki. I know you won´t even understand it then, but it´s worth a try.  
And you, Akechi, there was a you I loved. But he died some time ago, I hope I´ll see him again. To everyone,  
farewell,  
Akira Kurusu.

When he had written the letter a week ago, a few tears dropped down on the paper. Some days later, his throat still tightened, but now, he feels nothing. To him it´s just a piece of paper with words written on it. 

Akira folds it and puts it in the envelope, neatly putting it onto his bed, next to his phone and glasses. He is wearing his Shujin uniform and his shoes stand adjacent to his bed. 

He steps onto the chair he had used to train back then. He stares at the noose dangling in front of him for a few seconds. 

Still no emotion.

He puts it around his neck and kicks the chair away. He feels the rope cutting of his oxygen, but he doesn´t have the desire to fight it. He lets his body go numb, his vision becoming hazy and black.

-+-+-+-+-

Futaba is happy her somewhat adopted brother got better after the incident three weeks ago. It´s Saturday and goes to Leblanc, wanting to pick him up for school today. She enters and Sojiro´s behind the counter, greeting her.

“He´s probably still asleep, go wake him up.” She grins at him. “Aye aye, captain!”

She bounces up the stairs. “Good morning, Aki-” Futaba stops dead in her tracks.

Akira is a few feet above the ground, hanging, in a nose. Futaba´s eyes water quickly. She stumbles back and falls onto the ground, screaming.

Sojiro runs up to her. “Futaba, are you okay ?” He sees the sight his daughter screamed at. “My god, no, why ?” He tears up too, embracing Futaba and carrying her down. He rubs circles into her back and tries to calm her. 

“Why- why wou-would he..” She can´t get out a coherent sentence. But Sojiro doesn´t know what to say, Akira had always seemed so happy and content with his life... or had he ?

“You can stay home today. Should I tell the others or do you want to.” Futaba sobs for a while. “I don´t think I can-” She interrupted herself by a hiccup. “It´s okay, Futaba. We´ll sort through this.”

-+-+-+-+-

Nine teens and one adult remain at his grave after the speech. The numbers on the stone say 2000-2017. Haru steps forward and lays a bouquet of roses and anemones on it. The roses symbolise his death, youth and the secrets he held. Whilst the anemones portray death, too, pain, transience and parting.

All of them are dressed solely in black. Futaba clings to Sojiro´s side throughout everything and doesn´t really speak any more, unless when her mother, friends or Sojiro ask her something. Her attendance at school has also dropped greatly. 

Kasumi and Ryuji have willingly missed out on competitions, not trusting themselves to rise up to everyone´s expectations. Ann, as well, has cancelled all her photo shootings, not having the strength to put up a smile. 

Makoto and Haru haven´t been able to do work for their college properly. Yusuke hasn´t drawn a single stroke on a canvas. Morgana has not been trying to cheer up everyone this time, more saying nothing at all.

And Akechi has become rather the opposite of outgoing and stays home very much. Especially his social contact has dropped to a minimum.

After some minutes of silence Sojiro steps forward and clears his throat lightly. “Hey, uhm, the police just gave me this... letter.” Some don´t seem to understand immediately. “It´s from Akira.”

As he reads the contents, one by one, all of them shed at least a tear or two. 

In the background a man stands, watching the scene unfold before his very eyes. “I´m sorry you couldn´t find your happiness in this world, Kurusu-kun. But I also hope you understand it´s better for them to forget, than rather to live with the pain.” He says to himself.

-*-*-*-*-

He´s tired, his body feels heavy and lethargic. His head rumbles, as if he is leaning it against a window of moving car. The sounds get louder and wants to put his hands over his ears. That´s when he opens his eyes, seeing that he´s, in fact, sitting inside a train. He looks down at his body and sees his school uniform, neatly arranged. 

Confused and not quite knowing where he is and what he´s supposed to do, he takes his phone out of his pocket. As if it is something he´d done so many times. 

The screen displays : Saturday, 9th April, 2016.

The boy can´t put his finger on it, but something in his mind tells him this isn´t right, that it simply can´t be right.

He sits in his seat, unsure what to do, when a memory pops up : I´m Akira Kurusu and I died on the 7th of April in 2017.

The thought shocks him but more memories suddenly flood back into his head. Akira can feel his body seize up. He wants to puke and feels dizzy. 

He has lived through this year before, how is this possible ?

A female voice, barely above a whisper, speaks to him : _“Trickster, you have once lost the game because the odds you faced were to great for one alone. But if you can find your will of rebellion again and can rise to oppose fate to the end, you shall find your happiness. So I beg you, do not waste this chance and let others into your heart.”_

This voice is too familiar, it´s Lavenza. For the first time in weeks, probably, Akira feels an emotion, it´s hope.

The train halts and Akira steps onto the platform. He quickly finds his way to Leblanc, knowing parts of the city by heart by now. 

Sojiro stands behind the counter and an elderly couple sits in a booth. “Hello, Sakura-san.” Akira greets him, which earns him a surprised look in return. “They said that was today...” He mumbles.

The couple thanks Sojiro for the coffee and leaves. 

“Thank you for taking care of me.” Akira tries. Boss raises an eyebrow. “Listen, I will not be fooled by your acting. Either you behave yourself and keep my business out of trouble or you can go elsewhere.” 

Sheesh, Akira had forgotten how cold Sojiro had been in the beginning. 

_“But that doesn´t matter for now. I will set things right, hopefully.”_


End file.
